Miracles Have Happened....

We went the first round in November with Clomid, unfortunately we were both so sick we couldn't take advantage of the fact that we finally knew I was going to ovulate.  December came and I was still battling  pneumonia.  We decided it was best I get well before we try again, especially since we had to pay for the ultrasounds and medications, no point in doing all of that if I wasn't going to be well enough to support the early days and weeks of pregnancy.   I continued to track my temperature and as cruel fate would have it, I actually ovulated on my own.  It was so discouraging.  The first month we decided to not try to get pregnant and my body FINALLY did what it was supposed to do!  I'll be honest. I was so annoyed.

January came and we finally were able to go back to see the doctor.  It's an interesting process, one must have the first ultrasound to determine if it is safe to start Clomid on day 3-5 of her cycle.   Sounds like fun, right?  (I was always an advocate for a day 5 appointment!)  Since I never really knew when day 1 would be I had to wait for it to know when day 3-5 would be so that I could make my appointment.  When I finally called, there were no appointments available with my doctor, so I had to see a different one.  I was so not excited about that.  Danny's work load was too heavy and he wasn't able to go with me and for whatever reason the idea of going alone to an invasive medical exam with a new physician all by myself was just not something I was excited to do.  My mom was my hero that day!  She had driven to Sacramento to pick up my sister's friend from the airport, was home for all of 3 1/2 minutes before she jumped in my car to go BACK to Sacramento to go with me to my ultrasound appointment.  She seriously is the BEST (if you know her, that's SO not new news!)

I don't remember the name of the doctor I saw, but I do remember the news he gave me that day.  "Well, Mrs. Knopf, you won't be able to do Clomid this month."

Excuse me?!  Come again?

He then was going to make it clear to me why we have to do ultrasounds before starting the medication each month.  It appeared that I had already begun the ovulation process despite it only be day 5 of my cycle.  He explained that I was too far along in the process that starting Clomid would turn my ovulation possibilities into a giant cyst and 100% of any opportunity for ovulation would be lost.  Plus, I could potentially be looking at a painful cyst that could eventually rupture--awesome, right?  I actually felt a bit of renewed hope.  So if I was already on my way I would end up ovulating on my own and we could get pregnant without all the drugs, right?

The doctor's response was a bit crushing to my newly restored hope, "It's abnormal.  Your ovulation process and your cycle are designed to be in sync, yours are not....but miracles have happened."

Miracles have happened....It brought me back to the first appointment we had with Dr. Zeringue.  We sat in the car in the parking lot trying to process everything after we met with him.  I had a renewed sense of hope that this could happen for us while my husband walked away wondering how anyone without fertility struggles ever gets pregnant, EVER!  I remember him saying, "Life truly is a miracle."

I called Dan from the road and explained we had good news and bad news.  Bad news, no Clomid, good news we may not need it.  We would plan to try on our own and see if it was our turn for a  miracle.  It was then I began praying very specifically.  "Lord, please let us get pregnant without treatment, and let me find out by Danny's birthday...what a gift that would be! Amen."

Knowing I had gotten a jump start in the ovulation process I anticipated that I would ovulate sooner rather than later, so we planned our date nights accordingly.  As the days passed, my temperature remained low, and my hope that I was going to ovulate was beginning to plummet.  I was soon certain that it simply wasn't going to happen.  There was also the overwhelming stress of starting a new position in a new department at the hospital, that same week, that had honestly zapped all the energy I had.  I came home from work utterly exhausted.  That, partnered with my dwindling hope that as the days went on I wasn't going to ovulate, I had given up.  I just wanted to go to sleep....we could try again next month.

I continued with my temperature.  I had been doing it every day for over a year, it was kinda built into my morning routine.  So you can imagine my surprise when my temperature went up...and stayed up.  Seriously?  I had ovulated?!  How was that possible?  Our date nights weren't optimally planned...AGHHH!!  We missed our window once more and I was to blame.

The next few weeks went by and the morning of Danny's birthday finally arrived.  I woke up about 1/2 an hour before my alarm was set to go off.  My prayer had been brought to the front of my mind.  I spent the next 30 minutes debating....do I take a test?  Do I not?  I was pretty sure I wasn't pregnant.  The odds SOO were not in our favor.  Things just weren't timed right.  Was it technically, scientifically possible? Yes.  Was it likely? Oh, heavens no.  But then the Lord brought a good point to my mind.  "If you don't take the test, and aren't pregnant, no big loss--the cost of a pregnancy test.  If you don't take the test and you are pregnant, you have missed out on your prayer being answered and an amazing way to celebrate your husband's birthday."  God's logic was difficult to argue with, looks like He had talked me into peeing on a stick.

I got up, I was not optimistic.  I took the test and figured I'd wait until I got out the shower to confirm my disappointment.  However, before I stepped in, I couldn't help but glance down...maybe.  Wait?  What?!??

I don't know that I have ever celebrated in silent ninja mode more than I did that morning.  Dan was still asleep and I wanted him to stay that way.  I was pregnant. I...was...PREGNANT!!  HOLY COW!!!  The doctor was right, "miracles have happened."  And I was staring at two little pink lines as evidenced that they had finally happened for us!  Now I had to figure out exactly how I was going to announce his big birthday surprise!!  If only I thought it was remotely possible, I would have certainly been more prepared!  But first, I had to go to work....dang it!

P.S. Dan has read all of my blogs prior to being posted.  That way I can make sure he's ok with the relatively personal content I plan to broadcast to the world.  He got a little choked up reading this one.   I have never met a man more excited to be a dad than him.